Articles
A Cancer Survivor’s New Year’s Resolution
By Barbara Tako
Reprinted with permission from CURE® www.curetoday.com
A survivor of breast cancer and melanoma reflects on her simple New Year’s resolutions. (Original publication date: Dec. 30, 2015)
I am still here! Five and a half years after breast cancer and a year and a half year after melanoma, I am so grateful to be here. Yes, there is chemo brain, fatigue, arthritis … but I am here. This time of year always has me thinking about New Year’s Resolutions. What about you? Here are some of mine.
Let go of the self-beating. It is so hardwired into me that this is a difficult and ongoing project for me. Life is too short. Cancer survivors know this on a very intimate and gut level, yet many of us repeat those “not good enough” critical words to ourselves regularly. With the cancer diagnosis itself, I have to let go of the guilt or worry that I caused it somehow, too. Self-beating is hurtful and unproductive. I wouldn’t wish it on a friend — why do I do this to myself?
Let go of the past. I can’t change it. It is time to forgive others, forgive myself and move forward. If there is something that can be fixed by some kind of verbal or actual reparation, I try to do it. As for the rest, it makes more sense to look forward rather than backwards. I think about what I would probably say to a friend, “Learn from it and move on.”
Resolve to help. Cancer can encourage someone to be extremely self-focused — at least that is one of the ways it affected me. Now is the time to give, to look outward around us and to help where we can. An interim pastor at our church once summed up the Christian teachings into this simple message that I never forgot: “Love God. Serve God. Love your neighbor. Serve your neighbor.” Simple enough that I could hang onto those words for years.
Resolve to resolve medical uncertainty where possible. Cancer creates a lot of scanxiety and worrisome thoughts. Physical symptoms, no matter how small or temporary, also can create lots of stress and worry about the unknown. Is the cancer back? Promptly see your doctor and resolve those worries when they happen. Don’t let them linger and eat away at you.
Resolve to live. Focus on the people around you. Focus on nature. Create and work on your personal bucket list. There is always someone or something around us to enjoy. Get out there — one step, one breath and one moment at time. My grandpa, who lived to be 99, often said to me “You only have one little life. Live your own life.”
Resolve to take care of yourself. Yes, this includes a healthy diet and exercise but it also means, for me, moderation and no self-beating for backslides. Be gentle with yourself. After everything you have experienced, you deserve it. I mean it. I still struggle to practice it.
Resolve to be grateful. Every day, find three things to be grateful for. One day, I was grateful for a conversation, the way it looked outside and something my husband said to me. Don’t make this habit over-complicated. Don’t overthink it. Do try to cultivate this habit and you will find yourself to be happier.
I am not going to make a longer list. Seven is plenty. I wouldn’t remember more items anyway. Resolutions are easier to accomplish if kept simple, measurable and doable. I will look life in the face in 2016 and say, “Bring it on!”
What resolutions are you making this year?
The Beauty and Luxury of Book Club
In this article, Peer Counselor Andrea Karl, who co-facilitates our Book Club, shares what our Book Club means to her and the other women who participate. She’s discovered it’s a perfect excuse to indulge in a beloved pastime while enjoying conversation, companionship and escape.
I am a reader. Always have been, always will be. Since I was a child I have loved books. I would walk in the doors of a library and wrap myself in the warmth of the knowledge and adventure that lined the shelves. I’d make my way to the card catalog and the Dewey Decimal system, relishing in my ability to master it!
As a college student, you would find me nestled alone in the campus library’s quiet third floor, researching term papers until closing hours or the arrival of a friend to get me to the bars (it was the 70’s!) before they closed too.
As an adult, I discovered bookstores: used book stores, small town shops, Borders, Barnes and Noble. I can even lose track of time at the book table at BJ’s. It is always the lure of the book.
Unfortunately, as life happened, my escape into reading became limited. There were children to be raised, a home to run, a job to keep, bills to be paid and laundry to be folded. By the time my head hit the pillow at night, I was already asleep and another bookmark was lost in the blankets.
Book Club forces me to do what I love. It gives me permission to say “I have to finish this book.” It allows me to indulge in a luxury I love, and gives me a reason to do it.
Some might say “Well I don’t like the book that’s been chosen.” But Book Club member Eileen says “Book Club encourages me to read books I wouldn’t necessarily choose.” Book Club allows you to explore different venues and genres and characters with alternative points of view.
Book Club broadens our intellectual and empathetic horizons. It opens the doors for honest, open, meaningful conversation. As another member Lynn so graciously put it: “I love the camaraderie and spirited discussions.”
Book Club gives us the opportunity to escape into something else. Cancer can take a lot of things away from us, but it cannot take away our passions.
Reignite an old spark, take the time to escape from the everyday, and do something you loved. Read with us, discuss discovered new perspectives with us, and remember… we are all much more than our diagnosis.
To learn when our next Book Club session is scheduled, or to learn more about it, call us: 914-962-6402 or 800-532-4290.
Support Connection: A Circle of Support
By Dennis Neuberger
Dennis Neuberger and his wife Eileen began utilizing Support Connection’s support services while dealing with Eileen’s breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. Sadly, Eileen passed away in 2015. Since then, Dennis has continued to be involved with Support Connection, and he shares the following reflections about their experiences:
When my wife Eileen was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010, our world changed so suddenly. We felt alone and, especially Eileen, scared about the future. A friend who had cancer came to the house and told us about Support Connection. The Circle of Support began for Eileen and, to my surprise, for me as well.
My father had a saying he repeated to me over and over as I was growing up: “Unless you have experienced it, do not give advice.” Eileen made an appointment at Support Connection to see a Counselor. The Counselor who met with her was a cancer survivor! After that meeting, I could tell that Eileen was more prepared to battle the disease.
Over the next four years, Eileen attended cooking classes, information sessions and we both attended the annual Celebrate Life Day luncheon. Whenever Eileen had a question about treatment or tests or anything at all, Support Connection was always there.
The Circle of Support wasn’t only for Eileen. It also included me. I was contacted to see if I wanted to join a support group for men who had wives battling the disease. It is called “Wing Night” and it became a tremendous source of support for me.
The next path of the Circle came when Eileen was near death. It was 4 pm and I was with her in her hospital room. She was not conscious and seemed to be in a lot of pain. Suddenly, the medical staff came in and said she was being released in two hours. They said she could go home or to a hospice. Panic hit me. I didn’t know what to do.
I called Support Connection and within minutes a Counselor was on the phone, calming me down and giving me contacts to call at Medicare. I learned I had the right to refuse Eileen being released. Each Counselor contacted me on my cell and gave me their phone numbers, telling me to call if I needed any help, anytime. Eileen was gone 5 days later.
Two months later the Circle was completed. As the holidays approached, I found myself trying to interpret the many different signs, actions and communications from family and friends. I realized this was a new path for me, and also for them. In most cases, there was a tremendous outpouring of support as I would go from high to low. Nevertheless, confusion, sadness and a sense of depression started to set in for me.
I mentioned these issues I was dealing with to Katherine Quinn, Support Connection’s Executive Director. She invited me to the office where I met with her and a Counselor in the Hope Room. They asked me about my feelings, both positive and negative. What followed was a wealth of information and advice that helped me understand my own feelings as well as what my family and friends were going through concerning the loss of Eileen. That session, plus the men’s *Wing Nite, headed me in the right direction. Again, a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I’ve talked with different family members about what Support Connection has to offer, including my niece Kathleen. She was only 20 years old when her mother, Eileen’s sister Anne, faced cancer. She was away at college while her mom went through the operations and treatments. It was very stressful for her. When I talked with Kathleen about Support Connection’s “Circle of Support,” and how it includes family members, she said she wished there’d been something like that for her when she needed it.
I am now volunteering at Support Connection to help repay a small part of what Katherine and her team did for Eileen and are still doing for me to this day. The Circle of Support has no ending, it is always there for you.
* “Wing Nite-For Men Only” is open to men whose lives have been affected by a loved one going through breast, ovarian or gynecological cancer. To learn more or to join the invite list, call us: 914-962-6402 or toll-free 800-532-4290.
Starting in November 2016, we’re offering a new program for men who have lost a loved one to breast, ovarian or gynecological cancer: “Men’s Night Out: Living With Loss.” To learn more or to register, call us: 914-962-6402 or toll-free 800-532-4290.
Putting Together the Pieces
by Cynthia Cox
Reprinted with permission from Coping ® with Cancer
The waiting room in the radiation center is quite stellar, and I should know. With my chemotherapy, surgery, and hormonal treatment, I’ve been in many different waiting rooms this year. However, this one is a little different from the rest.
When I go in for my first day of radiation, a woman is playing guitar and singing, which does wonders to calm my nerves. Lovely pieces of art hang on the walls, many of which were created by survivors, and big windows offer a brilliant view of a peaceful garden.
These all contribute to the waiting room’s ambiance, but I’ve found that what I enjoy most are the puzzles.
Spread out on a big table in the middle of the room, a puzzle is always in progress – elaborate puzzles with famous paintings, more simple ones depicting gorgeous landscapes, some with photographs of rural life. When one puzzle is completed, it’s replaced by another. Every person in the waiting room can contribute to the puzzle in the moments before they’re called back for treatment.
Each day, the puzzle progresses slowly toward completion, with various people putting in a few pieces here and there throughout the day. It’s exciting to watch the progress as I return each day for my treatment. The puzzle magically becomes more complete, as countless other unknown survivors have worked on it in my absence.
Although we have to find the pieces that fit our own individual puzzles, none of us can do this alone.
I feel happy when I notice someone else has found the missing piece I’ve been hunting for in vain. I feel a sense of pride in seeing the finished product, knowing it was a joint effort among all those receiving treatment.
While lying on the radiation table one morning, it occurrs to me that the puzzles are a metaphor. All survivors have this one puzzle in common – how to beat cancer – and we are all working on a solution. Although we have to find the pieces that fit our own individual puzzles, none of us can do this alone. We rely on small contributions from others to slowly progress toward recovery. Like the waiting room puzzles being completed by unknown contributors, many of the contributions to our health happen behind the scenes, dispersed by a panel of doctors or by unknown chemists in a lab.
In addition to this, much of our wellness can be attributed to small contributions from family and friends. For each person who brings a meal, offers a ride, or reaches out through a phone call, another piece of the puzzle is put in place. They’re all contributing to our healing and recovery.
As long as we each strive to find the missing pieces, a little at a time, we can reach a solution. We are not alone in this journey; many others are helping us along the way. This knowledge has helped me cope with my own frustrations and fears. When I pause to be grateful for the assistance of others, it helps me keep going, piecing together my cancer recovery, one puzzle piece at a time. With the help of others, I know I’ll survive!
Cynthia Cox is a breast cancer survivor living in Corvallis, OR. She and her mother were both diagnosed with breast cancer one month apart; they now are both in remission.
This article was published in Coping ® with Cancer magazine, March/April 2016.
Knitting Circle Warms the Heart and Soul
By Barbara Cervoni, Support Connection, Inc.
Everyone knows that handmade items such as gloves, scarves, sweaters and afghans provide warmth against the cold winter air. But the act of creating them, especially in the company of others, is a sure way to warm the heart and soul. It’s also a perfect way to push worries away for a bit by focusing your mind on the positive act of creating something beautiful.
That’s why we offer a monthly knitting circle. It’s a place of comfort and respite for the ladies who come together to share their love of yarn and colors. In addition to working on beloved projects and learning tips or techniques from one another, they also enjoy the benefit of time spent with other women who’ve heard the words “you have cancer.”
Busy Hands, Calm Minds
In 2013, the British Journal of Occupational Therapy published a study titled “The Benefits of Knitting for Personal and Social Wellbeing in Adulthood.” Authors Jill Riley, Betsan Corkhill, Claire Morris conducted an online survey with more than 3,000 knitters worldwide. Among other findings, the study confirmed their belief that knitting enhances a person’s well-being: “The results show a significant relationship between knitting frequency and feeling calm and happy.”
Lois, who has attended our knitting circle for years, explains how knitting does this for her:
“After all the tests…the diagnosis… the surgery… the chemo and/or radiation treatments… supported by family and friends…. we reach out for our ‘security blanket’ otherwise known as knitting needles (or crochet hooks). For many of us, the familiar feel and motion not only relieves our stress but also provides a focus on something other than this miserable disease.
Very often working on several projects at the same time (usually not for ourselves), and to insure we get it right, we need to concentrate on style, size, color, type of yarn, materials, etc. This forces us to concentrate on the task at hand and tap into our skills and creativity.”
A Different Kind of Support
The study noted above also investigated the effects of knitting in a group. The authors hypothesized that this might offer added advantages, and the results proved them right: “Knitting in a group impacted significantly on perceived happiness, improved social contact and communication with others.”
At Support Connection we know there’s no such thing as “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to support. Some people feel most comfortable speaking one-on-one with our Peer Counselors. Others attend monthly support groups where the sole purpose is to talk with a group of women who’ve walked in shoes like yours. Sometimes, it’s easier to spend time with others engaging in a common activity, knowing that everyone else in the room has also had cancer.
Lois finds knitting circle to be the perfect form of support for her: “When we meet together in our group every month, we not only share our talents and tips, but also ourselves, and our belief and support of each other.” Carol, another longtime member, agrees: “I enjoy knitting circle because it’s a chance to talk and share with others. We discuss knitting/crocheting, yarn, stitches, and patterns. But we also share our cancer experiences in a more relaxed and fun setting than sitting around a table.”
The leader of our knitting circle, Nancy Horsey, is a breast cancer survivor who has also volunteered as a support group facilitator for us for many years. She feels firmly that the circle is an excellent source of support: “Knitting circle is so much more than knitting or crocheting. It’s a way for women with cancer to be creative while sharing their experiences, reduce stress and be around others.”
No Experience Necessary
One of the wonderful things about our knitting circle is that you needn’t be an experienced crafter to reap the benefits. Beginners (or “neophytes” as Lois calls them) are also welcome. We supply the yarn and needles. How-to’s and coaching are supplied by the other women and by our volunteer facilitator Nancy, who is an avid knitter and crocheter and is happy to teach anyone who wishes to learn.
Nancy says: “Although the name of the group says ‘knitting,’ you don’t need to know how to knit to come. We’ll teach you! Also, crocheters and all types of ‘needlers’ are welcome!”
Carol is one of the experienced group members who’s also happy to share her expertise with others: “Recently I broke my wrist and couldn’t crochet. But I decided to go to the circle that month anyway, because there were two new people coming who wanted to learn. And, I enjoy the ladies.”
Join Us!
Whether you’ve been knitting or crocheting for years… are thinking of resurrecting a hobby from the past… or would like to try something new…. there’s room for you in our knitting circle! To learn more or to register, call us: 914-962-6402 or 800-532-4290. We look forward to welcoming you!
The Smile © By Violet Navarrete
Do you see me?
Do you know who I am?
I see you smiling but I don’t know you.
If I had taken but a moment
to look past your smile:
I would know that you are on a journey;
which includes a battle with a chronic illness.
Is your battle emotional…
Like Depression or Anxiety.
Is your battle mental…
Like Bipolar Mood Disease.
Is your battle physical…
Like Rheumatoid Arthritis or Cancer.
If I had taken but a moment
to look past your smile,
I would know that every time your body moves,
it causes you pain and discomfort.
I would have known that the puffiness of your hands and face
are swelling due to inflammation.
Or that the appearance of your weight fluctuation
is actually called Lymphedema.
If I had taken but a moment
to look past your smile:
I would have known that the saltines you carry
are to help you with queasiness and nausea.
I would have noticed that the redness of your eyes
was from tears that silently rolled down your cheeks.
If I had taken but a moment
to look past your smile:
I would have shared
Faith and Hope with you.
I would have told you
that despite your silence, you are not alone.
If I had taken but a moment
to look past your smile:
I would have commended you,
For You are Brave, Courageous, a Warrior, a Hero and an Inspiration.
If I had taken but a moment
to look past your smile.